It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
