Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
