the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
