I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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