Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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