my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
