Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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