she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
