his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
