i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
