I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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