eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
