Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
