you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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