remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
