I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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