I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
