I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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