So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
