the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
