When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
