So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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