I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
