I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
