Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
