You just made me feel so damn special
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
