in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize