i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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