She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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