did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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