Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
