my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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