Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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