i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
