I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize