dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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