You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
