batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
