3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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