Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
