Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
