Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
this will be a night to untag.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
