Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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