I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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