Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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