I just threw up on my dentist
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
