Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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