A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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