hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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