No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That accounts for only three of the penises
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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