i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
