We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
