and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
