Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
