I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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