I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
