At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
