Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
