his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Someone signed my nipple.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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