I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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