Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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