hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
