i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize