I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
