Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why are your pants in the freezer?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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