how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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